People say grief gets better with time, but I don’t know if I truly believe that. Grief is a weird thing and everyone handles it completely different.
I’ve done a good job at pushing my feelings to the side to try and not think about it. Being in your twenties is a very busy season of life. I’m constantly on the run and feel like I never sit down. This helps with my grief because it’s on the back burner and not the forefront of my brain everyday.
Then one day you’re driving a backroad and a song comes on. It hits you like a freight train and next thing you know your crying while driving. Mothers/ Father’s Day comes around and you see everyone’s social media post. You have something exciting happen in your life and you wish you could tell them about it. Makes you wonder if they’re proud of you. You miss a call and when you click on your voicemails to listen, you see their name from a previously saved voicemail from them. Their birthday comes and all you can do is take flowers to their grave sight. You get a tattoo in memory of them, and when people ask you about it, it completely kills the mood because they now feel bad for you. You meet someone new and they ask you want your parents do for a living. You go to a wedding and see the bride and groom dance with their parent and you think about how you won’t get to do that. You have your first kid and wonder what your parent would have been like around them or what they would have wanted to be called. You think back on a fight you had and wish you could have changed the outcome. You start regretting not going on that trip with them or doing what they asked you to do. Someone pronounces a word funny just like your parent used too. You see wildflowers growing in a field and it remind you of their favorite flower. You go to a restaurant and remember their exact order.
Something is always reminding you of them. Some are good cries but some are bad cries and you go right back to that day you lost them. I can go months being just “fine” then bam the death anniversary comes and you can’t seem to keep your eyes dry the entire day. Every little thing that day is a trigger. I can’t even go to a funeral now without crying the entire time. I don’t even have to know the person. The music, the pictures, the pain you see everyone experiencing absolutely kills me now. I know death is apart of life but man does it never seem to get easier.
Know exactly how this feels sis. Much love 💙
The death of granny nearly put me in my own grave. I held her hand as she journeyed to Heaven and gasped and she did. I covered my mouth in disbelief. I wept at her funeral so much so that my best friend had to physically hold me up to get through it. It’s been 2 years, 2 mos and 10 days and not a moment passes that I don’t think of her. Her impact on my life ! Her love for me ! I have everything from her house. I cook with her dishes and sleep with her pillow. She sends me signs and I journal them. It comforts me. I have several tattoos to honor her ! I keep her alive anyway I can because a part of me died right along with her.
Perfectly said! He is so unbelievably proud of you! Your chasing your dreams and living the life that makes you happy! Grief is hard! But you have to find your way to cope that makes it a little easier. Love you Randi! Beautiful post 💕 see you soon!